Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Andrew Lloyd Webber can go to hell.

I'm just saying.

""I want a Dorothy with attitude! She'll be more Avril Lavigne than Judy Garland," Lloyd Webber told the paper. "Of course, Judy Garland made the role famous but I'm looking for a 21st Century Dorothy. ... Anyone like Avril Lavigne or a bit like Amy Winehouse or something along those lines would be great."

He can go and burn in hell for all eternity for saying that, along with the directors of The Seeker.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Bad Prose Competition Entry 1

"Hey, what arre yous..." As the drunken Jermey was thrown bodily out the front door, his voice slurred like the greasy interplay of blood across an oil slick beneath a fatal collision of a clown car and a tractor trailer full of petroleum jelly- so reminiscent of that time in Jermey's boyhood when they had over moistened the Slip 'N Slide and his sister, his darling Elizabeth (Lizzie to her fellow tittering, bathing-suited nymphet friends) shot right off the sliding mat and into a gory, skull-shattering collision with the hot-dog ladened kerosene barbecue, sending wieners, flaming coals and cerebrum over the yard like burning lawn-darts, painfully lacerating the guests and utterly ruining his ninth birthday party.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Mortuos Plango: In Memorandum JDS

It is far too late for me to be awake, but a man is dead, and my world's foundations are now a tad too rocky for my tastes at this hour. He was a good man, a loving father, a caring husband. If he was, at times, strict or harsh of word, he was, like so many parents before him, desirable of only the best for his children- wanting them to push themselves to their greatest potential. And, no doubt, he dreamed the dream of all good parents: to be surpassed in acts deeds by one's progeny.

It has been said that "All earthly ills yield to two all-potent remedies: time and silence." The grief that occurs at the death of a parent never disappears, it simply transmutes into an acknowledgement (if not acceptance) of that eternal fact: the centre does not hold, but we who remain must try and make sense of what remains. To those persons most affect in this most trying time, my condolences, indeed, anything I might say may seems hollow, foolish or empty, spoken as they are in a time of grief and pain. Dies Illia, Dies iræ- Day of Mourning, Day of Wrath. But I mean them truly and honestly, and my heart goes out to all of you.

Requiem æternam dona eis, Domine.....

Monday, January 11, 2010


up⋅date[v. uhp-deyt, uhp-deyt; n. uhp-deyt]

–verb (used with object)
1. to bring (a book, figures, or the like) up to date, as by adding new information or making corrections: to update a science textbook.
2. Computers. to incorporate new or more accurate information in (a database, program, procedure, etc.).
3. to bring (a person, organization, etc.) up to date on a particular subject: The magazine article will update you on the international situation.
4. an act or instance of updating: to make an update in a financial ledger.
5. information or data used in updating.
6. an updated version, model, or the like.