Bad Prose Competition Entry 1

"Hey, what arre yous..." As the drunken Jermey was thrown bodily out the front door, his voice slurred like the greasy interplay of blood across an oil slick beneath a fatal collision of a clown car and a tractor trailer full of petroleum jelly- so reminiscent of that time in Jermey's boyhood when they had over moistened the Slip 'N Slide and his sister, his darling Elizabeth (Lizzie to her fellow tittering, bathing-suited nymphet friends) shot right off the sliding mat and into a gory, skull-shattering collision with the hot-dog ladened kerosene barbecue, sending wieners, flaming coals and cerebrum over the yard like burning lawn-darts, painfully lacerating the guests and utterly ruining his ninth birthday party.